Peaceful Life
I've now been here over a month and been working for over a week.
I can actually feel myself settling, metaphorically nestling into a little burrow. I first arrived basically as a traveller and it was pretty non stop, then I found my place and probably did a little too much of nothing and now I've calibrated and started to develop a little routine that works.
I wake up and spend my mornings encouraging children named Dingding, Coco and Mango to say, no, shout... apple, pear and mangooooooooo! Its actually a great wake up, helped by Brazilian coffee and I'm all done by 11:00
I then have a 3 hour lunch break in a usually empty flat which allows me to crank up the tunes and bust out the moves whilst I prepare something to eat. I'd feel that I'd be lying if I said cooked. My poached eggs have been particularly poor recently. If I'm feeling fancy I'll go out and treat myself to lunch. I think I need to eat more, I think I've lost a bit of weight and it hurts to sit for a while, I need some padding. It's a lot of rice, beans and meat here it seems, think I'm flexing my veggieness a bit too much...
When I do go out at 12 the kids are finishing school, the bars, barzinhos, cafes and restaurants are filled with people out for lunch, by themselves or together, it doesn't matter. Older geezers sit around sharing a large beer, which is bought for the table, that they share around in little glasses. If you want another one, you simply take it out of the container and they will bring you another one.
It's a great system, by the end of the solo beer its warm anyway, particularly here, and even in England I only the chug the bottom because well, I've paid for it and years of peer pressure probably. I love the camaraderie around it and the idea of sharing all the beers for the table and its always cold... depending on who you drink with.
I then continue with my Portuguese lessons, having full conversations about literally anything; politics, psychology, sports, movies, women. I leave feeling like I'm fluent until I go to out into the real world, where everyone speaks a million miles an hour and I'm still very much a gringo. But I'm getting there.
I might catch the game or maybe see somebody for a bit but I usually head back to 'cook' and relax with a film and chocolate before sleeping. Netflix and chill by myself. The imitation game yesterday was so good!
A simple life I know, but the one I needed. I can't however go as slow as the Rio natives, meus dias. I need to have at least something to fill the time for my mental. When the lessons end I'm gunna turn to coding and try to live even more remote! Eventually. I am also gunna learn to dance, as those nights, along with the football, have been amazing.
I went to a samba night last Saturday with the other Portuguese learners and I've gotta say I was hella tired and could nae be arsed, but the energy in the room became infectious. It was a practice for loads of the bands who will perform at Carnaval and everyone was dancing and constantly moving. The feet move a bit fast for me, there is a video of me dancing but I can't post it on here, thank fuck. I prefer the slower sensual forro but still, the bands were amazing and the atmosphere even better, people handing out huge flags for everyone to swing around amidst plenty of professional dancers. I found myself up until 4 still dancing on the way home. I will be attending many more of them.
The weekend was fun but the week routine has been so good for me, I've had many discussions back home with people about how it keeps the mind disciplined along with other benefits. It has a prolonged focus separated by smaller breaks of freedom, by which time, the mind usually requires them. Takes me back to the structure of school. Even working in schools you can see it. Lunchtime is needed and they need to be left alone, mostly. By the end of lunchtime its usually mayhem on the playground. By the end of the day they're all mentally spent.
It's been great for my head, although I can't sit here and tell you it's all figured out. I still rack my brain trying to figure myself out and recently with a few accidental naps I fucked up my sleeping pattern big time. This led to me lying in bed till 2 with an overactive mind which begun a spiral of self centered, anxious, undisciplined thoughts that I couldn't seem to stop. I actually wrote a whole post to it one of the nights I couldn't sleep but that was more for me. Putting it out on paper is something I used to do in forms of raps and now with this and a diary, honestly, it helps immensely. It clears everything out, as if the voice has had his say and is content. So its done its job, the post is still there but it is not representative of my whole being at the moment, just brief interludes.
I'm now doing well to think of it as waves on the beach, if I try and fight these thoughts and suppress it, it is futile and only gets worse, I get hotter and cloudier in the head and they continue. But if I just see these thoughts coming as a tide for example, I imagine myself stepping back on the beach and just watching them come and pass. They surprisingly fade out in time and quicker than expected. They still occur but it's definitely getting better.
This focus is returning and everything's indeed settling. I'm laying down roots, going for drinks and lunches, and joining a football group, but still very much enjoying being alone as well. For now. It gives me time to slowly do as I wish, complete simple tasks and move forward, I definitely feel I'm on the right path, slowly but surely.
Now off for a few shared beers before bed and repeat.
