In My Life
It was a week of hard fought battles which had me sitting on hand switching knife edges. An end to many a season as Winter is coming in the Southern Hemisphere.
The battle to sit upon the throne in League one was at its finale, the band of men in Luton trying to secure it from those nearest the Ports Mouth and those in the North. The Realm of Men in GoT defending their ground from the army of the dead in a battle for survival at Winterfell. Meanwhile in the Bay Area the native Warriors also defending their ground and their oracle, holding off the powerful James Harden and his men who are trying to avenge the last battle between the two teams. Meanwhile, Meanwhile! the Avengers were trying to amend their previous battle with a similar powerful tyrant who also seems to be unstoppable. Inevitable.
These 4 wars, each having more than 1 battle, were all starting to settle, but to watch it all unfurl was definitely less settling. I was not even on the edge of my seat but completely out of my seat watching as the tides turned, some points seemingly done for before brave heroics and big moments giving hope. The heroes, the golden boys, the orange, the life, conquering the evil, the dead, the beard and the mean supporters.
Throughout those 4 days I was very highly strung and feeling all the emotions. screaming at the TV in both joy and anger, non stop moving around the house, with a blanket draped over my head feeling intense butterflies. As each closely fought battle drew to a close, I was hit with huge senses of relief and with surges of happiness flooding my nervous system, at certain points overflowing out of my eyes.
Watching the Avengers at the cinema, the whole room was feeling it. It was so emotionally charged. People loudly sobbing everywhere, people shouting and screaming at different points.
Bloody Latins and their emotions.
I cried at 4 different points and actually shouted at one point. I couldn't hold back, I didn't want to. It was the perfect ending to all 22 films.
As Wednesday May 1st came around it provided a much needed break from sports and media and a well deserved drink (I had a dry April). Despite the nerves, I loved it all; the feelings, the little outbursts of emotion and thankfully all results going the right way for me.
They all battled and fought which has been in (tony) stark contrast to in my head this week, which is a nice change. A lot of the time there's a battle of voices in my head, sometimes taking the form of other peoples. But at the moment it's only mine and it's rarely arguing.
Now I'm not saying that its all external factors but of course they are a nice little push. Everything is going perfectly and I'm really doing a lot more of things I want. I've been reading, walking, buying fruit, learning and everything feels very clear, warm.
As the seasons all around are coming to a close, so am I, ready to move on. I have big plans to tour around a bit more of South America and things seem to be coming together nicely. As soon as the playoffs finish and that's all concluded I'll be looking for my next location as I begin to move again.
With the talk of leaving and moving on I've been asked a few questions by those who I spend my time with. Whether we'll keep in contact or we'll stay good friends and both of those discussions have concluded that we will most likely still stay in touch but will evidently drift apart. That's life and it is almost inevitable but it doesn't mean that we won't still be friends. We all agreed we will always send little texts or reminders to each other when something sparks the memory.
I love it.
I've been to a lot of places for fairly long periods of times and made good friends there. All the time I receive little messages or send little messages, not in a way to just keep in touch or to be nice but because of the spontaneous recalling of a fond memory. Whether it's running around Sweden doing Alan Shearer's, bumper cars in San Jose or getting stuck in a cove and being rescued by the lifeguards. These things are constantly brought up as we look back and laugh.
In between my little learning sessions at home, I have my chromecast showing my facebook albums that briefly take me back to a particular moment in one of my trips. It's in this moment I might drop in the message just to reminisce. Sometimes the message is no more than a wave and a basketball emoji sent (Lloyd). Sometimes more, yet other times I will just sit and smile as I think about that moment or that person. I will do this even as I sit in a retirement home many years from now, as I know my nan still does and if I can be even just this in another person's head then I'm happy with that, even if I never know or we don't speak. Essentially in the end that is all we will become. Memories. Living on in the minds of others.
But with all these little look backs it's important to also look forward and continue moving on. It's great to see people on instagram from old places or old friends in new places, or even new friends in old places but sometimes it can take you out of your timeline looking back or looking elsewhere. Sometimes I delete the app because I find myself doing just this but I'm always redownloading it the next day cause in the end I enjoy seeing other peoples lives. It's just important to stay in mine, not looking back wishing I was here, there or elsewhere. Which I'm doing much better at.
At one point I'll find that place where I want to stay and continue making memories but it's not here. It's too far away from back home but it's still been an amazing experience. When I see pictures or things occurring in Brazil in the future I will always look back here with fond memories as I do to Morzine, the Bay Area, Cornwall and Home.
