G.O.O.D Friday
I've been watching a lot of peep show recently which is the perfect show, the inner monologues really nailing it on the relatability scale. It's very self-degrading and beautifully honest. I would recommend it to everyone. Everyone British anyway.
For me it really normalises the negative emotions and I find myself laughing hard at all their honest thoughts that they don't say. It really is a masterpiece. In a time like today it's great to have this considering everywhere you look, primarily the internet, is telling you how you should feel. Makes me feel a lot more human.
That's probably part of why were all so anxious, feeling terrible for having these feelings and thoughts, people telling us we're bad to think them or telling us how we should feel in a situation. Or even our own head telling us that how we should feel based on what we think others feel. I've been having many of my own negative thoughts and feelings this week.
In truth, I have isolated myself a bit here. I'm working online in the mornings, learning in the afternoon and content to chill at home in the evenings. Only leaving myself the weekends. But that was of course the point from the beginning. If I'm doing that at home, I may aswell do it in Rio and explore new places on the weekend.
Since Carnaval, I feel ready to move on but this situation is so good for learning, living and the NBA. I will stay for the next 2 months before I move; who knows where next. I'm definitely ready but there's alot of things rolling around in my own head, contradictory things and silly things that end up putting me in a bit of a loop.
I'm feeling a little repetitive => I should go away for the weekend => I don't have the money really => need to work => not doing that much => will go travelling over the summer => planes emissions & money => need a job and feel a little isolated => maybe I could get a job in an office => need to learn more => repeat
It all just rolls around, with a bit of self loathing thrown in there about my abilities, my self-centeredness, the fact my 'weak' brain is cycling in these thoughts and also because I'm feeling bad in a hammock in Rio and I truly shouldn't. But I did.
It's all good now though, was a few days in the week that just sent me west. It happened and it's gunna happen. It's not that there's anything wrong with me, I just didn't feel good for a few days. I've had such a good time recently that maybe it's just equilibrating. I'm sure that's a word.
In truth it may have come from a lack of sleep on the Monday due to basketball and even worse on the Tuesday after the Warriors loss. I'm not even joking the last two times I have felt low have been conveniently after losses.
Now that they are back on track, so am I, even with little sleep after watching them last night. Surely it all has to be a coincidence? Or maybe just an extra lil' boost. Surely I'm not that unstable, am I? It could even be cause I'm not drinking. It's probably a little bit of all of these things that all just came together at a point along with some untimely arguments.
But I was talking about it and did things one step at a time, and the Warriors won big, so life is good again. I've been writing this in a hammock by a pool before I took a electronic scooter, flying past others riding or walking along the beach front of Copacabana, all closed off to cars for the public holiday.
It's been a big swing but I can't really complain. Riding along the beachfront on a sunny day in Copacabana really lifted my spirits, along with the workers in the hostel (that I had previously stayed at and was writing in today) welcomed me in for lunch with them.
Its Good Friday and I'm heading to to kick a football around with some of the lads I play with here. It feels a lot like heading to the park in Summer, but it's on a beach in 28 degrees in mid-autumn. It also gives me a tick off the ol bucket list. Something inspired by David Beckham's documentary through the Amazon.
Play football on a Brazilian beach
Tomorrow I will go hunt for Toucans, with my camera. The merchandise of Rio has it everywhere, they have got to be around here somewhere.
A bit of social interaction, a ride along the beach, a kick around and a walk through nature. I feel good again.
Happy Easter.
